Geneva Week 4 Category 2: Feedback

While writing my Perspective paper, I needed a guide to continue on with my paper. An added factor was that I didnt know where to really start, so I began with the formula given to us on the back of our agendas.
This is the formula I followed and I think that I was able to really judge my own writing and give myself feedback. It sort of made you look at your own writing and step back and judge if it was the right style, grammar or vocabulary. Also it really kept me in line and made me wander off on a tangent less often.

Topic:
Humanism perspective of Persepolis
Research:

• Marjane discusses the limitations of her society and her inability to recieve a full educatgion in Tehran. >This represents humanism through the `world aspect` becaues even as a young child she doesnt follow tradition. Her love for world improvements and the beginning of her, rejecting her own religion `at the age that Marie Curie first went to France to study, I`ll probablly have ten children` (73)
• Describing the actions required for patriotism reflected resentment and ddislike. Clearly, she wanted to live free. > `Hitting yourself is one of the country`s rituals. During certain ceremonies, some people flagellated themselves brutally...me, I immediately staerted making fun of them.`(96-97)
• Growing up with a family that also reflects western culture and deflects Islamic tradition is a sequence of actions that slowly push Marjane into Humanistic lifelstyle and belief. >Road check guards trying to find infidelity in her father represent the family`s representation of their own culture. Example: Drinking and Partying "been drinking have we?! I can tell by your tie! Piece of westernized trash!"(108)>Page 109 and 110 images reflect her family`s casual grip on their religion. Breaking their own country`s laws to keep a piece of "western" culture that they`d grown accustom to .
• Marjane sees the war that she lived thruogh as way to deal with and relate to her own freedoms as a child. Clearly, not through a religious persepctive. Marjane looks deeper than religion on all aspects of this war. (Jumps straight to the purpose and remarks by the people >the regime for example)>"They evenutally admitted that the survival of teh regime depended on the war" (116)>"Those who were opposed to the regime were systematically arrested and executed together" (117)

Her grandmother also represented a guiding figure in Marjane`s life. Her remarks were always very non-religious and reflecte dthe "greater good philosophy" of Humanism.>"I don`t want to preach, but let me give you some advice that will always help you... In life you`ll meet a lot of jerks. If they hyurt you, tell yourself that it`s because they`re stupid. That will help keep you from reacting to their cruelty. Beacuse there is nothing worse than bitterness and vengeance.. Always keep your dignity and be true to yourself."(150)

Format:

Essay 700-1000 words

Purpose:
The focus of this essay is to persuade the audience that there is a connection between Persepolis and the remarks of a Humanist after reading this comic.
Audience:
Mr. McGuigan and the Grade 10 class

This is not really feeback from others, but it is sort of me giving feedback on myself and looking back at what exactly i needed to do. It definately helped to clarify the question and have a vague idea first, then look back at what I had for research and made it so that there is an evident connection between anything I wanted to metntion (so it didnt sound like i was going off topic).
I know that Mr.McGuigan always tells us this, but it was good to just re-clarify what I needed to do and having the process and the steps ready made my organization very simple to decipher. I knew where which information was and how i needed to turn that into an essay.

Geneva<3