Geneva Week 5 Category 2: Feedback

On April 9th I received back my perspective of Humanism Essay back. I got a lot of feedback again as usual from Mr. McGuigan, but I FINALLY understand now what I need to do to write better. Improving is not about having a fully developed and out of this world idea (although that will help you get a 7), it is about making sure that your idea (even if its standard but answers the question) is transmitable from one brain to another person's brain.
Going through the essay, having the really short and explanitory sentences made the essay so much easier to understand. Because everyone's brain is different, there is always a different perception of the way the words sound. That is probablly why we speak with different intonations and why we write the way we sound as people. Not everyone writes in the exact same manner, and that is why half the class and practically all my teachers couldn't understand my writing. So here is a short list of what I need to do (and should continue to do) to make my writing better (i.e. more understandable):

• Explain ideas that make sense in my head, but may not make sense in other people's minds
• In englsh always use bracket sourcing (NO FOOTNOTES! and it should be MLA)
• Keep the period inside the quotation marks
• Have a short explanitory sentence here and there
• Mix up the sentence structure
• Long sentences are aburrido, so use a comma or semicolon or colon to change it up
• Gargantuan vocabulary words should only be used here and there ("too much spice in your food just tastes disgusting") maybe twice to three times a paragraph
• When writing essays, stick to maybe two big ideas and really devour the meanings of those ideas in the paragraphs
• It is better to completely close two relevant ideas than to have three open sort of relevant ideas
• Always stay relevant to your topic sentence in your paragraph (if it doesnt explain your topic sentence in any way, cut it or make a new one)
• You should pretty much already know what you want to say in your conclusion before you write the essay
• Start with the most important idea then work your way outwards to secondary or interesting ideas

There are probablly more tips, but these are a few of the most important ones, they are helpful so im writing this so that i wont forget them and so that i can access them from anywhere with internet.

Geneva